10 ways to catch someone lying To You

By Dr Kathy at SpiritualDreamDoctor.com

We have all been naive at some point in our life by being conned into something or led to believe something that just isn’t true. These days online scammers are in the thousands, lying about money to be made, investments to make you rich, winning lottery’s you never entered or gaining an inheritance from some unknown relative from the UK. Some of these scammers are pretty obvious, but some are getting quite clever too. To catch them, we have to be on our toes and do our homework before we get scammed. But, what about those we are closest to? How do we know when they are lying to us?

Once you have been lied to, you may find yourself wondering if you can ever trust that person or others like them, again. One bad apple doesn’t have to destroy the whole bag. Just have to be more observant when purchasing the merchandise.  There are many ways to tell if someone is lying to you.  Here are some tips in being able to tell a liar from one that is telling you the truth.

Tip No. 1: Inconsistencies
When you want to know if someone is lying, look for inconsistencies in what they are saying. Whenever a person’s story is illogical, you should suspect a possible lie. Are there inconsistencies that just don't fit?

Your wife gets home and tells you she had to work until 6:00 instead of the usual 5:00.  You tell your wife you called the office at 5:30 and the secretary said “you left a half hour ago.” Your wife becomes defensive, starts talking faster, looks a bit nervous and says, she got caught in traffic, forgot something at the office and had to go back for it…yada, yada.  The story changes and the lies just keep coming.

Tip No. 2: Ask the Unexpected Question

Instead of “why are you so late?” try asking “So how is (the bartender) Joe doing tonight? You must have had a nice long talk…(telling by the smell of alcohol on your breath).

Pay attention to interactions and reactions: A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive. A guilty person is uncomfortable facing his questioner. He/she may try to avoid answering questions or answer them indirectly or he may speak more monotone and mumbling. He may turn his face or walk away. A liar will use your words to answer your question. When asked, “Did you eat the last piece of pie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last piece of pie.”

Tip No. 3: Gauge Against normal behavior
"One of the most important indicators of dishonesty is changes in behavior," says Maureen O'Sullivan, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of San Francisco. "You want to pay attention to someone who is generally anxious, but now looks calm. Or, someone who is generally calm but now looks anxious. Someone who normally can’t look you in the eyes, but when lying, they will, trying to prove a point of being truthful"

The trick, explains O'Sullivan, is to gauge their behavior against a baseline. Is a person's behavior falling away from how they would normally act? If it is, that could mean that something is up. Are they becoming defensive? Are they using anger to intimidate you from asking anymore questions? Do they walk away refusing to talk? Do they try to change the subject? Do they turn the blame on you or say something like, “you’re just being “Paranoid?”

Tip No. 4: Look for Insincere Emotions
"Most people can't fake smile," says O'Sullivan. "The timing will be wrong, it will be held too long, or it will be blended with other things. Maybe it will be a combination of an angry face with a smile; you can tell because their lips are smaller and less full than in a sincere smile."

These fake emotions are a good indicator that something has gone afoul. Saying things like, “You know I love you,” (with a frown on the face). Or how about the guilt trip for suspecting a dishonest act, “but honey I stopped to get something for you, but now you just ruined the surprise.” Guilt, guilt, guilt.  Whenever you confront the false emotion, you hear, “I’m just tired, had a bad day, don’t want to talk about it right now.”

If you believe someone is lying, try changing the subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty one usually wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to go back to the previous subject because they are offended and want to resolve the misunderstanding.

Tip No. 5: Pay Attention to Gut Reactions
"People say, 'Oh, it was a gut reaction or women's intuition,' but what I think they are picking up on are the deviations of true emotions." If you suspect your spouse is cheating on you, ask yourself why. You sense something is different, wrong, out of place but you can’t prove it. If the gut feeling continues, listen to what you are feeling.

While an average person might not know what it is he's seeing when he thinks someone isn't being honest and attribute his suspicion to instinct, a scientist would be able to pinpoint it exactly using a lie detector test.

Oftentimes we do pick-up the change in facial expressions or body language subconsciously which is why your gut reacts when a person is lying to you. Yet, the conscious mind will deny seeing it. Remember in school when you took a test and couldn’t remember the answer? The teacher would tell me to “go with my first choice, my first instinct and move on.” Why? Because that knowledge is stored on a higher level of consciousness and tapped into through the “gut” of knowledge. If you think too long over the answer you start to self doubt and argue with yourself.
 

Tip No. 6: A Lack of Detail

When you are on the phone with someone it can be a little harder to tell if someone is lying to you. Using the guidelines from above such as the lack of details and the higher pitches in their voices, or mumbling,  make sure you listen to them carefully. Make sure you listen for any inconsistencies in their story in person and on the phone. If there are things that simply do not go together, confront them. Ask them all the questions that you have. Interrogating them is the easiest way to crack them. Once they feel that you are on to them, they may end up breaking and telling you the truth or get angry and hang up.

You can ask them questions politely and try not to jump to any conclusions. Just try to get the facts in order from them. Many times if someone is lying and you ask them for a simple fact then they may pause and try to think something up. SO if there are plenty of pauses coming from them when they are talking to you, it may also be a sign of deception.

Tip No. 7: Look for Contradictions
The general rule is anything that a person does with their voice or their body gestures that don’t fit the words they are saying can indicate a lie. For example, this is going to sound amazing, but it is true. Sometimes when people are lying and saying, 'Yes, she's the one that took the money,' they will without knowing it make a slight head shake 'no.' That's a gesture and it completely contradicts what they're saying in words. Contradictions are saying one thing, but doing another. It’s a type of denial…“I’ve stopped using drugs… now I only drink.” It’s kind of like a person saying they are not cold, yet the body is shivering. Makes no sense, right?

Tip No. 8: A Sense of Unease
"When someone isn't making eye contact and that's against how they normally act, it can mean they're not being honest," says Jenn Berman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice. "They look away, they're sweating, they look uneasy ... anything that isn't normal and indicates anxiety." However, know that habitual liars can look you in the eyes and lie.

Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body, the liar takes up less space usually. You may catch them talking faster then normal to get the lie out and over with.

Tip No. 9: Too Much Detail
"When you say to someone, 'Oh, where were you?' and they say, 'I went to the store and I needed to get eggs and milk and sugar and I almost hit a dog so I had to go slow, and someone pulled out in front of me almost causing an accident and on and on, they're giving you too much detail, and skirting the truth" says Berman. Too much detail could mean they've put a lot of thought into how they're going to get out of a situation and they've crafted a complicated lie as a solution.

 
Tip No. 10: Don't Ignore the Truth
"It's more important to recognize when someone is telling the truth than telling a lie because people can look like they're lying but be telling truth," says Newberry. Until you know the person and how they act when they are absolutely telling the truth, the lie may be hard to detect until you note the differences. While it sounds confusing, finding the truth buried under a lie can sometimes help find the answer to an important question: Why is a person lying?

All these tips will help detect deception. What they don't do is tell you why a person is lying and what the lie actually is.

Extra Tip: Start with “Trusting” first!
In general we have a choice about which stance we take in life. If we take a suspicious stance all the time, life is not going to be too
pleasant, but we won't get misled very often. If we take a trusting stance, life is going to be a lot more pleasant but sometimes we are going to risk getting hurt. As a parent or a friend, you're much better off being trusting rather than looking for lies all the time."

Note: Some people are really good liars...don't expect to find these tips work on everyone.  Trust your instinct...if they seem to you like they are lying, they probably are!

Tags: Lying How To Self Help Relationships

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