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Conflicts and Resolutions Part 3 of Love Series
Posted On 11/24/2008 19:17:29 by DrKathy_DreamDoctor


            &nb sp;            Part 3 of 3


If you made it this far, you are doing an awesome job!!!


Right now in your relationship, how do you decide how to decide? 

Do you express concerns head-on or do you avoid conflict desperately?


When you feel threatened or stressed, do you tend to want to run away, fight the issue or just shut down?


When you are stressed or facing conflict, do you talk to your family/friends or work it out privately?


Should couples tell each other everything that is bothering them or just the important things?


Do you handle stress through silence/solitude or through some sort of activity?


Is it okay to drink alcohol or use other sunstances to relieve stress?


Can fighting be good for a couple?


Define what fair fighting and unfair fighting with your partner might look like?




Just like a stool, a successful relationship will have all three of these “legs.”

But these are not just words; they are principles around which couples must make a conscious decision to live. Every couple must form an honor system – a code of Ethics by which each partner abides. This code of ethics should be based on both partners being truthful, faithful and open. These terms seem concrete, yet they are actually unclear. It ’s up to the couple to decide what each term means for themselves and their relationship. Upfront agreement on the meaning of these three principles is part of creating a common honor system. And it ’s the antidote for not knowing what is expected in a relationship.



A friend of yours says that he spotted your partner at lunch with an old flame, but your partner does not tell you about it. Nothing happened between the two of them.What do you do?


Is it okay to cheat on your partner if you are not married?


Are any secrets okay to have from your partner? ________If not, when do you know when your love interest has moved from the dating stages to a committed relationship?


Does your partner tell you that you do not express your feelings enough (such as saying “I love you ”)? Do you feel your partner does not express his/her feelings enough? Are you willing to make some changes to please your partner? Do you feel emotionally close/secure to your partner? Do you feel you communicate well? Do you feel your partner tries to meet your emotional needs, (physical touch, words of comfort, support and appreciation)?


Always keep working on the common honor system in your relationship!

Expectations in a relationship can change  over time, and your honor system is often a work in progress. For example, truthfulness, faithfulness and openness at the beginning of a dating relationship may not be the same as when a couple decides to see one another exclusively, exchange “I love

you ’s,” move in together, or become engaged or married.


Stages of a relationship should be a trigger to re-evaluate the meaning of those three principles. As you grow together and changes occur you can modify any agreement as long as both parties are aware and agree to the changes.


Always create a common honor system before taking a relationship to the next level! Unmet expectations across these three legs of a relationship sabotage your chance at relationship success. Avoid future headache and heartache by taking time now to work out what truthfulness, faithfulness and openness mean for you and for your partner. These principals should be expected to become more solid as you and your partner grow  more in Love.


 Compatibility with your mate is not static and can actually change over time. Some couples become less compatible over time for various reasons, including unresolved conflict and unmet expectations, or just growing apart, while other couples seem to get closer. As long as we are open-minded and willing to discuss and compromise, all things are possible and resolvable. Even if it means you agree to disagree on a certain topic. It's okay to have a difference of opinion. It doesn't make either of you right or wrong, just different.


Think of this guide as a tool to help you discuss and address areas of potential conflict head-on. By doing this, you both become more equipped to face future conflicts because, have no doubt, if you’re honest, there will be a few conflicting issues.


Strength and bonding as a couple come from facing difficult issues and working through them…Of course, some issues are easier to address and resolve than others.


Last but not least...


QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT  Regarding Your Sexuality:


Could this unmet need, hurt your relationship?

What is acceptable sexual behavior in your relationship?

Where do you draw the line when it comes to experimentation?

How do you discuss sexual histories?

How do you define sexual faithfulness?


Having done all your homework regarding you and your potential partner you have hopfully discovered more about yourself as well as what is important to you in a relationship. Will the partner you have chosen be able or willing to meet all your expectations? Do you think you are being totally honest with yourself or do you think you might be asking too much, too soon?


To explore all these areas we have discussed can only benefit you both and enhance the probability of  success relationship. Divorce rates are as high as ever these days. Lets see if we can lower that number by doing our homework and research. People tend to spend more time on picking out a new house or car then they do choosing a mate. The car tends to outlive the relationship most often. That's pretty sad when you think about it.


Until next time...




Tags: Resolving Conflict Arguing Communication Pre-marital Counseling Relatio


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